I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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