ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
