my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
