My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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