why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
MIDGETS
????
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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