I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i think i just lost a toe
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
