you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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