dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
