mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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