He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
God, I missed his penis.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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