I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
