I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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