she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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