I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
