My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
