I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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