I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
