i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
