Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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