i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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