I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
