Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
