I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
