i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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