You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
