But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
