Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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