wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
