jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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