i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
