just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
