Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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