By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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