Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
