Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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