I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
