apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I didn't notice because vodka
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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