make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
