the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Barsexuality is the new black.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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