Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
