wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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