im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
