i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
