im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
