i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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