I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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