i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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