By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
