Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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