he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
