I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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