I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
