today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
