We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize