I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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