Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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