omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
