he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
