Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
