I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
