I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
