like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
