bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
