Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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