I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All the doctor said was why
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize