I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
