I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I want her autograph on my taint
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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