Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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