I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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