it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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