2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
