We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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