if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
