So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
